Today marks the six-year anniversary of moving to London. It still feels like yesterday when we arrived in the Ghetto of Peckham (kill it! kill the whole place with fire), but so much happened in six years. Lots of laughs, lots of cry's, and even more tube wankers than you can ever imagine.
I thought giving that it's the six-year mark I should whip up a realistic list of things I have learned over the years. I am sure there is a lot of self-development and encouraging things I can say, but nah these are the facts...
1. Nothing will scare you as much as a Fox getting the ride in the middle of the night. The high-pitched screaming that sounds like a Woman is being murdered will wake you from the deepest of sleeps. You then must evaluate the situation, assume it's a fox, and pray you don't wake up to sirens and crime scene tape the following morning coz your assumption was wrong.
2. Storage IS Luxury NOT designer brands. There comes a time when you realise you are the age that your passport claims, and that moment is when having storage in your London apartment is something that thrills you. Having storage that isn't just under you bed IS the height of luxury and sophistication.
3. A park will become your favourite place to be and be more of a haven to your mind than anything else you can find in London. It's weird coz growing up in Ireland Parks, fields, and nature is just the norm, but take it all away and you then realise just how much you need it. We all love the hustle and bustle of the city, but some of your best days will be simply in a park on a nice day.
4. If you get the front seat upstairs of a double decker bus you have won the lotto. Whether you are 4 or 40 this is what winning is! Mainly for the excitement and views, but also coz it's the best distraction from the motion sickness you get on a London bus - I cannot describe how bad this is. Avoid at all costs.
5. Never do the math of what you have spent on rent living in London. I did this recently and can confirm that what people back home in Ireland or around the UK will spend on an average mortgage over 30 years we have paid in rent alone in the last 6. Yes! You read that correctly.
6. No one will harass you like someone who works on commission. Recruiters and Real Estate Agents will result in you having to choose between a Hit Man and an Exorcism to get rid of the Bastard. They are ruthless and never stop coming back. Herpes! Commission workers are human form herpes.
7. The most empathy you will ever feel for anyone in your life is when a stranger starts speaking to someone they don't know on the tube. Your heart bleeds for the recipient of this conversation and approach. I don't know how to explain it and how bad you feel for this person, but seriously YOU NEVER speak to someone you don't know on a tube unless it's a genuine mutual conversation based on the fact their kid is waving at you or you are petting their dog - THATS IT!
8. Everywhere takes an hour to get to. Even if you are visiting your next-door neighbour - it's going to take the best part of an hour to get there. No one know how or why this happens it's just the way it is. If a destination is less than 30 minutes to get to then you are BLESSED beyond belief.
9. If you don't use City Mapper or Google Maps then you'll never be seen again - that's it! that's all I have to say on this topic. 10. Everyone is very aggressively minding their own business. I'm sure we are all very lovely people but on commute and getting from A to B is not a light-hearted or carefree event - all manners get sucked out of your body once you tap your oyster card and go through the gates, they are then pushed back in when you tap your card and exit. People who do you wrong or deserve a telling off may never here a word from you - but if it's on a tube... you turn into a machine that has the capability of annihilating anyone that you see fit.
So, yeah that's the stuff I have learned over the last 6 years. Like I said I could list a lot of self-development and motivational type of things, but when it comes down to it the only thing you really need to know is how to destroy someone on a tube with your words and double check that said tube is the right tube on Google Maps before you go anywhere.
Stay Boujee xxx