'ME' Be Safe? 'YOU' Dont Attack Me!
I think it's safe to say that a lot of Women are feeling that bit more vulnerable today giving the recent case here in London of a missing woman. I'm not really going to hold back and say I am OK because to be 100% honest with you I am absolutely FUMING!
A woman went missing last week after leaving her friend's house at 9pm – and even though she did all the things that women are advised to do i.e. walk on a busy road, go the safest route, don’t have headphones in etc. etc. something STILL happened. Then the Met release a statement saying, "we urge women not to walk alone in this area"!!!??? EH HELLO!!!??? How about you urge Men to stop attacking us? How is it that I still must walk with my keys in hand and watch over my shoulder and if I don’t, I brought it on myself?!
I am aware that it shouldn’t have to be stated not to attack women because it's OBVIOUS, but I'm expected as a woman to always be on guard and take extra measures because it's always POSSIBLE ...so yeah this isn’t really working for me.
Do you ever notice that when someone is giving advice on how to protect yourself walking home, they say what to do followed by an example story on how a woman did not do this and was attacked…? It drives me insane! The girl you are referencing wasn’t attacked because she had her headphones in - she was attacked because someone CHOSE to attack her!! She didn’t fail to escape because her keys were in her purse instead of her hand - she failed to escape because the man attacking her was physically stronger than her and she was scared for her life. An attack on a woman walking home or while she's alone does not fall under 'Shoulda Would Coulda' based on the measures she took.
Are you honestly telling me as a woman that if I am walking home on my own and a man approaches me from whatever direction with the intent to attack me that he is going to look at me and think “oh no! I can't rape this one... she's not listening to her 80s playlist and has her keys in her hand.. best move on to the next one who is not preventing rape”
I am so fed up with this. I wish you could hear the frustration in my voice over this topic. A Woman went missing last Wednesday and most of the comments from people are questions like Why was she out? Why was she alone? And what measures did she take?
I gave up cursing for Lent this year, but please allow this one slip – ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME?!?!
This seriously needs to stop! Women being advised to take extra measures and be alert in case they are attacked NEEDS TO STOP! And the follow up questions after a woman is attacked being based around the measures she may or may not took needs to stop!
Women are raped and attacked because they are raped and attacked. THAT’S IT!!
I have a twelve-year-old sister back home in Ireland and I can confirm here and now hand on heart that if we ever fall on the topic of 'being safe as Women' she will not be getting a list of Dos and Don'ts from me. It would never be my intention to frighten her, but at the same time I'd prefer her to be scared and aware as opposed to putting measures in place that will fail her and lead to self-blame if ever faced with such a horrific situation.... but more specifically I don't want her to hear a story about 'a girl/woman who was attacked' and for her mind to automatically question what the girl did wrong for such a thing to happen.
I am not saying that I would tell her to be reckless and ignore all the advice she is given on extra measures, but I will be making it crystal clear to her that the fault and the blame lies solely with the attacker, and that the attacker made the choice for a woman to be a victim of assault, and that in this scenario the woman is just that a victim of assault.
This won't change overnight and not everything has a reset button, but everything does have a beginning and we can start the change right now. I am not saying or accusing all men for this type of behaviour, but I feel strongly that if all women have to take extra measures for what happens to some of us.. then all men should be accountable for what some of you do. It may sound harsh but I think its only fair that if I'm branded a potential Victim because of my gender then men should be branded potential threats based on theirs.
Now that I have worded it like that it doesn't seem fair does it?! As a man you probably feel its unfair to be branded like that? Mmmm Interesting.
Stay Boujee & Stand Strong xxx