Isn’t it amazing that at the start of every new year most new beginnings and resolutions are based around the topic of self-care and self-love? I am obviously living for this but at the same type I’m thinking that it is grim that we all have to set goals to look after ourselves and our wellbeing, like you would think it’s the first thing we would do knowing full well how important it is but for some reason we tend to just focus on getting by instead of facing every day as the strongest version of ourselves. When I returned to work this week the ‘self-love journey’ is the one that everyone I have spoken to is eager to take this year, and if you read my last blog post you will know that I am also being a ‘journey wanker’ this year and focusing on my Wellness & Wellbeing. But where do you even start? How do you know what area you are lacking in? What do you do to improve your wellbeing? These are the questions I have been asking myself this week, and I came to the conclusion that I can follow the perfect diet, down 85 litres of water a day, and make the elliptical machine my b**ch all I want but it’s only one sector of being healthy and is destined to crash and burn eventually if I don’t actually value myself.
So that’s what this blog post is about ‘Valuing Yourself’ and what can be done to ensure you are doing that.
Do the best with what you have regardless of circumstances. Appreciate that you slept in a warm bed last night, that your fridge is full, that you have people in your life who care about you, and that you have people to care about. Appreciate what you bring to the world and give to others, it may just be making someone laugh, giving a compliment, or lending a helping hand but when you appreciate yourself for doing the things that should be appreciated then on the occasions where you are under appreciated or taking for granted you will know your self-worth and not stand for a minute more if it.
Why would anyone ever settle for anything less then what they really want? Jobs, relationships, lifestyles etc. I see people settling all the time because its just easier, or they believe they can’t do better, or feel like they owe some level of loyalty to it, or simply just fall into a routine. If you find yourself thinking that there must be better out there or looking at other peoples lives and longing for it then I hate to tell you this, but you have settled. The only things in life that are certain is death and taxes – the rest is on you and can be changed as soon as you decide to.
Relationships are where you will gain the most level of toxicity in your life, and if you are not surrounded by or in healthy ones then you are completely screwed . You can do all the right things for yourself and live a great life but if the people in it are not good for you then you will have constant strain on your overall wellbeing. You owe nothing to no one, and you are under no obligation to tolerate anyone else’s bad vibe or behaviour - so cut them out and think nothing of it because you will thank yourself later.
Learn to say no
‘Anything for a quiet life’ is without doubt the worst thing to live by because you lose either way and you are making yourself miserable by keeping someone else happy. We all want to be able to help each other, and of course there are certain things you kind of must do but when you are a ‘yes man’ and going against what you want to do it will just lead to anger and resentment. Just say no from the beginning instead of saying yes and spending the rest of the time trying to find a way out of it or feeling negative about what it is that you have agreed to do.
Trust yourself and do what you want to do
You are the only person who knows what you really want to do, how you feel about something, or the standards you have and why. Live your life for now and do what you want to do because you are only guaranteed the now. The past is done and is nothing but memories that can’t be changed or relived, and the future is only something you can prepare and plan for but can’t actually be sure of – so trust yourself to know exactly what you want, do the things you want to do, and prioritise what is best for you because you are the only person accountable for that.
Rejoice in your uniqueness
I think the second you accept yourself and the person you are that everything else just falls into place. All my life people have said to me ‘you’re such a character’ or ‘you are a law unto yourself’ - I embrace that completely. I don’t try to be Xtra or outrageous I am simply just built this way. I say the thing you aren’t supposed to, I am wired to the moon, I have some serious notions about myself sometimes, I’ve an uncurable case of Princess syndrome, and unfortunately can have a mouth like a sailor. As my friend James-Lee says while introducing me to others ‘for those of you who don’t know Kaylen it’s actually and always all about her’. If I was born a generation earlier I'd of been locked up in a laundrette in rural Ireland for making a spectacle of myself but luckily for me, I am living my life in the era of YASSS KAWEEEN!!
The list above is the Gospel according to Kaylen, and is merely just a guideline of what I believe is a strong foundation on how you can build up valuing yourself. Everything I have said is my opinion and my perspective but just because I know these things doesn't mean I always apply them to my life. I have so much that I need to work on because sometimes I simply forget how to tell the difference between what is actually important and what seems to be at the time. We all know deep down what is best for us but until we believe we deserve the best then we will never know our true self worth.
Value Yourself & Stay Boujee xxx